3 Things

So I mention I'll be posting more in 2011, and it's already February, and I know the two people reading this blog are probably throwing up their hands and going "huh?".

The thought of posting has crossed my mind every single day. What I have to say was holding me back. I'm trying not to let it anymore.

So, to not air my full drama to the Internet, I will try to condense this as much as I can:

1) For those of you that love the kitties, I have to sadly report that Izumi passed on Christmas Day 2010. She was suddenly sick and not improving. Further testing showed she had Leukemia (not Feline though) and the prognosis was very poor even with chemo. I didn't want her to suffer anymore and made the choice to help her be at peace. She was a sweet cat, and I miss her. Unfortunately, other life changes really prevented me from being able to mourn her loss or give you an update.

2) I have been in counseling for the past 2 years. Most of you already knew that. What you didn't know is that while I started going for other reasons, it ultimately became focused on childhood abuse. That has impacted every choice I've made in life. Because of it, I've always felt emotionally fragile and not good enough for anyone. I spent 2 years having to face it, and now I am a stronger person for it. My family knows about it now, so I'm OK with sharing it here. Anyone who has been through this, know that it does impact your life even if you live in denial that it does. Please find some counseling or other type of support...it's scary and it's hard, but you are worth more than you think you are and you can do it.

3) I am currently going through (another) divorce. All I'm going to say is this is not what I wanted, but was his choice. Through therapy, I grew up from that scared little girl and now am able to stand on my own two feet. I'm not a "fragile flower" anymore. Sadly, he has not grown up and has decided he wants something different in life. After going through a month of this, I've realized I deserve better than this and I agree it is time for him to go. It's sad, it hurts, and it's hard, but I know now it's necessary for me. I have hope and I know I will heal. And that's all I really have to say about it.

There is a lot more to both points, but for the sake of people involved and who may be reading this blog, I will refrain from providing any "dirty details." One thing I've learned is that it's OK to talk about stuff, but you've got to have some tact when you do it.

But I've posted both of these because I feel like I need to, that's it's just another step in the process of healing. I also know that there are people struggling with issue #2 and terrified to say anything because of the guilt & shame involved in having that happen to you (actually, that could apply to #3 as well). I want you to know you are not alone, and that you CAN start to heal from it.

I would like to talk more about both points, but I'm not quite sure how I plan to do that yet. Password-protected entries, perhaps, or another blog entirely. Rest assured, however, that the kittehs and this site won't go anywhere.

And hopefully, after letting this out, I can really start the ball rolling with posts, cat-related and otherwise.

Rest in peace, sweet Izumi

Carnival of the Cats #349

We begin with the sad news of a loss within our ranks. Pepper suddenly passed on October 29th.

Daddy adopted Pepper a few years before he met Momma. Pepper had been rescued from a home due to neglect, but Daddy helped nurse her back to health. Her and Daddy stuck together through some hard times until they met Momma. She officially became an attack cat in April of 2006.

Pepper was a quiet sweet cat that (usually) didn't get along with the other cats. She was very skittish and would usually come up for pettings and snuggles late at night when it was quiet. She loved to put her paw on Momma's face when snuggling, and was happiest when she was kneading on Momma or Daddy. She'd had a number of health problems develop, including the heart murmur, hypothyroidism, back pain, and a potassium deficiency. She was probably about 8 or 9 years old when she passed due to her heart murmur.

While we miss her greatly, we are thankful she went quickly and peacefully and is finally pain-free. Momma is happy she got to see her and pet her one last time that day before she went to the Bridge. We know we will see her again.

We'd like to dedicate this carnival to her memory:

One of the cat owner rules is that everything must be covered in cat hair. Hakuna from Lost in the Cheese Aisle makes sure her family doesn't break the rules by relaxing (and shedding) onto a sunroom chair.

Over at My Cats and Funny Stories, Arthur grumbles about the rainy weather and the indignity of being dried off by his human.

Cokie the Cat is hosting a purrfect giveaway featuring a gorgeous ornament and refrigerator magnet starring Cokie himself!

Dirty-boy Meowza sneaks in some dirt rolling and dreams of turkey at both Mind of Mog and his own site, iMeowza, just in time for Caturday.

Uh oh! Over at Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat, Elvira seems to be so concerned about her figure that she's comparing herself to a Thanksgiving turkey!

Also at Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat, Nikita and Elvira are busy helping their Daddy learn how to make fliers...featuring themselves, of course!

Nikita also shows off his bravery by fending off a foot intruder and protecting his family. In our opinion, you definitely deserve a medal!

At Strangeranger, Maddie enjoys some puddles of sunshine and her human gets an opportunity to capture a photo of her lovely green eyes. How beautiful!

Thanks everyone for giving us the opportunity to host and to share. The next carnival will be at Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat.

Goodbye Miya-moo

It was the summer of 2006. I had just went through a divorce and was trying to survive in a tiny apartment. There was this pretty gray and white cat that greeted me almost every day I came home. It would perch on the sidewalk in front of my car with it’s front paws turned slightly out, looking like it had been waiting all day for me to arrive. I thought it was a very friendly cat, especially when it would trot behind me like a little puppy every time I was outside. I was sure someone in the apartment complex owned the cat. Some days, I would see it on it’s side in the parking lot and panic, thinking someone had hit it. About halfway over to check, I’d see it’s head pop up. It was just napping on the warm pavement. Adam and I would frequently talk about this cat and decided to call it Bob (instead of just saying “that cat”).

We kept trying to find it’s owners, but no one claimed the cat, and I never saw it go to any other door. One night Adam went to take the trash out to the dumpster. When he came back, Bob was in his arms acting like he belonged there. Adam told me that when he was walking back, he saw Bob staring at our apartment building, meowing a very sad-sounding meow. At that moment, Adam knew we would take Bob in and give him a home.

A trip to the vet revealed that Bob was, in fact, a “Bobbi” and we were torn. It was hard NOT to call her “Bob”. We decided to add Miyazaki to her name, and call her “Miya”.

Miya was the matriarch of our ragtag band of cats. Estimated at around 15 years old, she was never short on energy or personality. She would bat toy mice under furniture and make the most godawful sounding warble you’d ever heard. Her meow sounded like she’s been smoking cigarettes for 80 years. We always threatened to put out a Christmas carol CD “to the tune of Miya”. She would perch on the couch beside Adam and closely watch food move from the plate to his mouth. The moment he looked away, out came the Claw of Doom to hook a piece, quick as a flash, whether it was a chicken nugget or a whole pizza slice. She would brrrr a greeting at us whenever we came up to her to say hello. If we weren’t meeting her petting expectations, she would head butt us and lick our foreheads to get our attention. She was happiest when she was perched on our chest while in bed or on the couch. Miya was a rabid chip fan and loved her dry crunchies. She had a “bubble” when it came to the other cats, and as long as they didn’t get in her bubble, life was just peachy. If the other cats forgot or got daring, though, out came the Claw of Doom.

Miya has had constant UTIs and decreased kidney function over the last 2 1/2 years. Through it all, her unique meows and personality have persevered. In late September, she was diagnosed with a bladder tumor. She gave it one last good effort, but it eventually became too much for even her to handle.

This morning, the wonderful people at Scottsville Animal Hospital helped us ease her pain and discomfort, and we all say goodbye as we helped her peacefully pass on.
I’m sure she is happily crunching away at all the chips she could want right now, and knowing that she’s not crouched in the litterbox anymore, exhausted and worn down, is the only comfort to my pain right now.

She was my Miya-moo, my old coot, my Miyaz, with the unique soul and the unique meow to go with it.

I miss you Miya, and always will.