I was so wrapped up in what I had to do today. I was packing up stuff from my cube, which was bittersweet and a little tougher emotionally than I had bargained for. More on that Tuesday.
As for the other....yes the date with K went splendidly and all his friends were very nice. We had a good time laughing and joking about all kinds of random things. Once his friends left, K asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I said sure. We paused the DVD to finish our conversation. 4 hours later we are still talking, have entirely given up on the movie now, and are now starting to comprehend the possibility that I may not make it home in a conscious state. So I ended up crashing for a few hours and left the next morning.
So in my infinite wisdom, instead of using this week of no school and little work to finally detox after a year and a half of school/work/life hell, what do I decide to do? Invite him over to my house. On Friday.
I didn't think he'd actually accept so quick of an invitation. And now I'm like crrrraaap time to get this frat boy college kid house into good shape. Well, at least as good as it can be.
My legs hurt. My feet and neck are quite angry. But I only have the bedroom and living room left, along with a few things outside. Yes, he knows about the cats, and I've given him a heads up on some of the crazier traits of the house, but still, it's nerve-wracking. Whole new level of trust here on my end.
But in preparing for all this, I completely missed the late night 12/22 slot. It's kind of a weird anniversary. It's precisely the moment my ex A told me he had feelings for another girl and that he just want to leave us all, Spidey included, and just start over. That night just rocked my world, and it took weeks for me to even start moving past basic survival.
What difference a year makes. I am a lot stronger mentally. I have goals and will pursue them no matter what. I will not just date any man, but one who is sure of himself and will not make me suffer from self-doubt. Trust is difficult for me still, to let someone into my life and know he is going to be loving and accepting of me no matter what.
I'm grateful for what happened, because I love being who I am now. But I'm also terrified of the unknown future.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
This was only a EZS test...an emergency zombie stumbling test
Sigh...I suppose that with the good of posting here, there's also some bad. My counselor would be thrilled to know I am writing something, but she much prefers the tactile sensation of pen to paper. I consider this a amicable compromise.
I am grumping tonight, and in a major way. I think at least half of the problem is this cold that has sunk it's teeth in and I am frantically trying to EVICT before tomorrow night. And any attempt at sleep brings on layers of nightmares and random wakeups that end up causing me to test my zombie stumbling skills in the mornings as I get ready for work. I have been bouncing and going for about a year and a half now, and needless to say, I'm bone tired...so much so that my body just cannot seem to properly recharge anymore.
This is one of those moments where my impatience wants to take over. I KNOW that if I just trust in
God's plan, I will get through whatever is thrown at me. I know this because of the hell I have survived in the past year. If this falls through, it will not be the end of the world. I will cry a bit, then pick myself up and move on. I will survive. It's this trait I've been using for so many years that I know it will be there. Granted, happiness and contentment will fall by the wayside, but at least I will be able to slip that bag of boulders back onto my shoulders and shuffle on. No worries, I know the way on this hike.
Now what I want to happen, what God wants for me, and when all this needs to happen is a tangled mess of anxiety rats in my brain that can't seem to line up for roll call. Lord knows I don't want the past, I'm terrified of the present, and anxious for the future. Any sort of limbo or uncertainty is my kryptonite, and that seems to be in about every part of my life right now.
If my personal life could click together like my school life, I'd have no complaints. Other than Maggie feeling the need to check my face EVERY NIGHT to make sure I am, in fact, breathing. Or that I haven't eaten a home cooked meal in months and my house is a disaster. But you know? I could handle that if things would just go MY WAY.
*stomp stomp kick a cat*
(not really)
And breathing...alright, the tantrum is over for the moment.
Why does it have to be so hard? In school, you get an assignment, you procrastinate and goof off, you frantically throw something together last minute, and you smile as you see the A. Lather, rinse, repeat. How easy is that? Why can't something personal, like choosing a house, or organizing a holiday party, be that simple? And why can't "healthy" dating be that way? Oh no, my dear friends. Apparently I've had a lot of shall we say "abnormal" courtships in the past. This one, however, is supposed to be normal, and I apparently normal is not an easy concept for me. Go figure.
K really likes me. He asks me out on dates plenty in advance. I get the prime time Saturday night time-slot where we end up spending 10 hours together (talking, joking, all innocent, I assure you) and barely conscious say our good nights as we drive home. We practically emailed novels the whole first month we talked. Then he finally asked me out bowling, and the moment I sat next to him at the restaurant, I knew things were going to be OK. We have so many inside jokes after 3 dates. He makes jokes about "our future kids" and "if we were to get married." Our personalities are similar, and neither the cats nor the twice-divorced issues seem to be a dealbreaker for him, as did none of his family issues or lack of relationship experience for me. For our fourth "date" I was asked to attend a game night tomorrow night with his three (maybe 4) best friends, in a very couples setup. And of course I still can't forget the kiss...well, kisses, from our third date.
But I'm beginning to wonder about K's "fatal flaw." I have been amazed at how good of a guy he is in spite of his family history and I've wondered if there was something lurking underneath. He also mentioned he is a very solitary kind of personality, which is eerily like mine, so it's certainly not an issue for me. But he's had almost 0 relationship experience, and at his age, I'm really wondering why. I wonder if it's more of a barrier he's raised due to some of his own issues. I'm not sure yet if he is ready for the emotional attachment and needs of a real relationship. Our primary communication right now is text, usually every other day one of us will say hello and we'll talk for a bit. His cell phone reception is worse than mine, so I've only received one brief phone call. His life also seems a little chaotic, and I don't believe he handles stress well. Which does not work so well for me.
I don't want to bail out though. More importantly, I don't feel like I can fix him or I am his superhero. I like K for who he is. And I really like him and think he is an absolutely stellar guy who knows how to be a grown-up but funny as well. But at some point, if we can't figure out a way to ease into trusting each other and getting pass the formalities, we are going to hit a stalemate and because he seems to be the one who needs to move slower, that is on him. That has to be his choice, and I'm not going to nag him or push him to open up to me if he is not ready and willing to. No, K is not husband or fiance material right now with his communication skill issues, BUT that doesn't mean he can't change if he wants to. However, we will not move to any new levels until those issues are resolved.
Right now I'd just like to see us get past the formality stage of things and get a bit more comfortable with each other. Which may not happen until his life calms down a bit with holidays, a new house, longer work hours, etc. I think it may just be a question of whether or not we can work each other into our chaotic lives while also preserving our individuality. I think that's the first step. Then we will see if we can start trusting each other.
Told you dating was a headache. But spilling your guts right off and flying into a romance hurts far, far worse when you get burned in the end. That much I have learned.
I am grumping tonight, and in a major way. I think at least half of the problem is this cold that has sunk it's teeth in and I am frantically trying to EVICT before tomorrow night. And any attempt at sleep brings on layers of nightmares and random wakeups that end up causing me to test my zombie stumbling skills in the mornings as I get ready for work. I have been bouncing and going for about a year and a half now, and needless to say, I'm bone tired...so much so that my body just cannot seem to properly recharge anymore.
This is one of those moments where my impatience wants to take over. I KNOW that if I just trust in
God's plan, I will get through whatever is thrown at me. I know this because of the hell I have survived in the past year. If this falls through, it will not be the end of the world. I will cry a bit, then pick myself up and move on. I will survive. It's this trait I've been using for so many years that I know it will be there. Granted, happiness and contentment will fall by the wayside, but at least I will be able to slip that bag of boulders back onto my shoulders and shuffle on. No worries, I know the way on this hike.
Now what I want to happen, what God wants for me, and when all this needs to happen is a tangled mess of anxiety rats in my brain that can't seem to line up for roll call. Lord knows I don't want the past, I'm terrified of the present, and anxious for the future. Any sort of limbo or uncertainty is my kryptonite, and that seems to be in about every part of my life right now.
If my personal life could click together like my school life, I'd have no complaints. Other than Maggie feeling the need to check my face EVERY NIGHT to make sure I am, in fact, breathing. Or that I haven't eaten a home cooked meal in months and my house is a disaster. But you know? I could handle that if things would just go MY WAY.
*stomp stomp kick a cat*
(not really)
And breathing...alright, the tantrum is over for the moment.
Why does it have to be so hard? In school, you get an assignment, you procrastinate and goof off, you frantically throw something together last minute, and you smile as you see the A. Lather, rinse, repeat. How easy is that? Why can't something personal, like choosing a house, or organizing a holiday party, be that simple? And why can't "healthy" dating be that way? Oh no, my dear friends. Apparently I've had a lot of shall we say "abnormal" courtships in the past. This one, however, is supposed to be normal, and I apparently normal is not an easy concept for me. Go figure.
K really likes me. He asks me out on dates plenty in advance. I get the prime time Saturday night time-slot where we end up spending 10 hours together (talking, joking, all innocent, I assure you) and barely conscious say our good nights as we drive home. We practically emailed novels the whole first month we talked. Then he finally asked me out bowling, and the moment I sat next to him at the restaurant, I knew things were going to be OK. We have so many inside jokes after 3 dates. He makes jokes about "our future kids" and "if we were to get married." Our personalities are similar, and neither the cats nor the twice-divorced issues seem to be a dealbreaker for him, as did none of his family issues or lack of relationship experience for me. For our fourth "date" I was asked to attend a game night tomorrow night with his three (maybe 4) best friends, in a very couples setup. And of course I still can't forget the kiss...well, kisses, from our third date.
But I'm beginning to wonder about K's "fatal flaw." I have been amazed at how good of a guy he is in spite of his family history and I've wondered if there was something lurking underneath. He also mentioned he is a very solitary kind of personality, which is eerily like mine, so it's certainly not an issue for me. But he's had almost 0 relationship experience, and at his age, I'm really wondering why. I wonder if it's more of a barrier he's raised due to some of his own issues. I'm not sure yet if he is ready for the emotional attachment and needs of a real relationship. Our primary communication right now is text, usually every other day one of us will say hello and we'll talk for a bit. His cell phone reception is worse than mine, so I've only received one brief phone call. His life also seems a little chaotic, and I don't believe he handles stress well. Which does not work so well for me.
I don't want to bail out though. More importantly, I don't feel like I can fix him or I am his superhero. I like K for who he is. And I really like him and think he is an absolutely stellar guy who knows how to be a grown-up but funny as well. But at some point, if we can't figure out a way to ease into trusting each other and getting pass the formalities, we are going to hit a stalemate and because he seems to be the one who needs to move slower, that is on him. That has to be his choice, and I'm not going to nag him or push him to open up to me if he is not ready and willing to. No, K is not husband or fiance material right now with his communication skill issues, BUT that doesn't mean he can't change if he wants to. However, we will not move to any new levels until those issues are resolved.
Right now I'd just like to see us get past the formality stage of things and get a bit more comfortable with each other. Which may not happen until his life calms down a bit with holidays, a new house, longer work hours, etc. I think it may just be a question of whether or not we can work each other into our chaotic lives while also preserving our individuality. I think that's the first step. Then we will see if we can start trusting each other.
Told you dating was a headache. But spilling your guts right off and flying into a romance hurts far, far worse when you get burned in the end. That much I have learned.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Updates
Two days in a row? I know, I'm spoiling you!
I'll just give a quick update on a few things from the past year:
School/work: I will begin student teaching on January 2nd. In order to do this, I have to quit my job and try to survive through the semester on student loans and prayer. Probably more prayer than student loans at this point. My last day at work is on the 27th. I am TERRIFIED. It's not like I didn't know this was coming, but it was always in the future, and since I turned in my official notice at work, it is sinking in more and more every day. This semester is over, and I have managed to continue my run of a 4.0 GPA. I have passed one of five Praxis exams I plan to take. You will be hearing more about this, trust me.
The drrrrama: So I've mentioned the divorce before. That ended up being finalized at the beginning of the year and sadly, you will not see any more of Spidey's antics on this blog. That's about all I'm going to say about it, other than I wish him the best and I've realized this really was the best thing that could've happened to me. It's still not fun to have the "twice divorced at 30" label.
I also went through another relationship this year which got intense way too quickly and did not end well. Once again, though, no airing of dirty laundry here. I just know that once again, it was a good thing this ended and I've learned a lot from it.
Now? I've been dusting myself off, taking my lessons learned, and applying them to dating, which is this newfangled thing all the cool kids seem to be doing these days. Historically, my relationships have basically went from 0 to 80 instantly, with no natural progression in between, so you can imagine what this dating experience has been like for me. There are some unique stories to tell, which I will save for another day. Sadly, this experience has not restored my faith in men all that much.
However, there may be one shining light in this new journey. I've been dating K for almost two months now, though we talked through email for about a month before that. K is hysterically funny, sweet, and just a stellar guy all around. Because of his work schedule, we've only been able to go out every other weekend, but every date ends up going for hours because we can't seem to stop talking. The last date ended with a kiss and him stating "I've been wanting to do this for a while." This weekend, I have been invited to a game night with him and his three best friends, so we are moving to the mysterious "meet the friends" phase. So there is definitely potential here.
Things are going very slowly, which is good considering my history, and understandable concerning his, but this also makes things difficult to gauge. It seems like there is this whole mysterious interpretive dance portion of dating with a lot of unknown moves and steps that I struggle with. I try to be a pretty straight black-and-white person when it comes to my feelings, and apparently that is not how dating is done these days. However, I will continue to be patient and have faith this will work out one way or another for the best. And especially because my normal way of doings things seems to not work out so well for me.
I'll just give a quick update on a few things from the past year:
School/work: I will begin student teaching on January 2nd. In order to do this, I have to quit my job and try to survive through the semester on student loans and prayer. Probably more prayer than student loans at this point. My last day at work is on the 27th. I am TERRIFIED. It's not like I didn't know this was coming, but it was always in the future, and since I turned in my official notice at work, it is sinking in more and more every day. This semester is over, and I have managed to continue my run of a 4.0 GPA. I have passed one of five Praxis exams I plan to take. You will be hearing more about this, trust me.
The drrrrama: So I've mentioned the divorce before. That ended up being finalized at the beginning of the year and sadly, you will not see any more of Spidey's antics on this blog. That's about all I'm going to say about it, other than I wish him the best and I've realized this really was the best thing that could've happened to me. It's still not fun to have the "twice divorced at 30" label.
I also went through another relationship this year which got intense way too quickly and did not end well. Once again, though, no airing of dirty laundry here. I just know that once again, it was a good thing this ended and I've learned a lot from it.
Now? I've been dusting myself off, taking my lessons learned, and applying them to dating, which is this newfangled thing all the cool kids seem to be doing these days. Historically, my relationships have basically went from 0 to 80 instantly, with no natural progression in between, so you can imagine what this dating experience has been like for me. There are some unique stories to tell, which I will save for another day. Sadly, this experience has not restored my faith in men all that much.
However, there may be one shining light in this new journey. I've been dating K for almost two months now, though we talked through email for about a month before that. K is hysterically funny, sweet, and just a stellar guy all around. Because of his work schedule, we've only been able to go out every other weekend, but every date ends up going for hours because we can't seem to stop talking. The last date ended with a kiss and him stating "I've been wanting to do this for a while." This weekend, I have been invited to a game night with him and his three best friends, so we are moving to the mysterious "meet the friends" phase. So there is definitely potential here.
Things are going very slowly, which is good considering my history, and understandable concerning his, but this also makes things difficult to gauge. It seems like there is this whole mysterious interpretive dance portion of dating with a lot of unknown moves and steps that I struggle with. I try to be a pretty straight black-and-white person when it comes to my feelings, and apparently that is not how dating is done these days. However, I will continue to be patient and have faith this will work out one way or another for the best. And especially because my normal way of doings things seems to not work out so well for me.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My christmas gift to you, dear reader
As you can see, I've been doing a bit of sprucing up around here.
2011 has been a, well, interesting year. That's the best way I can describe it. It was far better than 2010, even though it has been full of enough chaos that I've considered moving even farther out into the country and adopting a hermit lifestyle, if for no reason other than simplicity. Though trying to finance my hoard of guns and food for the inevitable zombie apocalypse would likely not make it so simple.
I struggle with what to write here. There are some experiences I would love to share with the two people who still follow this blog, and one day, I'd like to actually increase that number. Consistency and actually posting would probably help with that. Perhaps five readers? I suppose I can dream.
But some of what I would write involves other people who were in my life. Oddly enough, I want to thank them more than anything, because I would not be who I am right now if it wasn't for the extreme shifting of life in this past year. There are days where I struggle with life, but that heavy dark cloud of depression and insecurity that has hung out over me for years is shrinking every day.
So, perhaps anything super sensitive, I'll post to another, lesser known blog. I'm not quite sure yet. This blog and I are old friends and we're just getting reacquainted. At the very least, I should be able to post more, even if it is just randomness about the cats and rants about this whole "dating" nonsense I've been experiencing.
Now, after all that seriousness, let's get down to business. What would this blog be without a cat picture?
Bagheera does not really have the grace of his panther namesake. He's actually more of a bull in a china shop. And he looks like a panther that swallowed a basketball. As you can see though, he is quite offended when I refer to him as Sir Chunk.
2011 has been a, well, interesting year. That's the best way I can describe it. It was far better than 2010, even though it has been full of enough chaos that I've considered moving even farther out into the country and adopting a hermit lifestyle, if for no reason other than simplicity. Though trying to finance my hoard of guns and food for the inevitable zombie apocalypse would likely not make it so simple.
I struggle with what to write here. There are some experiences I would love to share with the two people who still follow this blog, and one day, I'd like to actually increase that number. Consistency and actually posting would probably help with that. Perhaps five readers? I suppose I can dream.
But some of what I would write involves other people who were in my life. Oddly enough, I want to thank them more than anything, because I would not be who I am right now if it wasn't for the extreme shifting of life in this past year. There are days where I struggle with life, but that heavy dark cloud of depression and insecurity that has hung out over me for years is shrinking every day.
So, perhaps anything super sensitive, I'll post to another, lesser known blog. I'm not quite sure yet. This blog and I are old friends and we're just getting reacquainted. At the very least, I should be able to post more, even if it is just randomness about the cats and rants about this whole "dating" nonsense I've been experiencing.
Now, after all that seriousness, let's get down to business. What would this blog be without a cat picture?
Monday, August 22, 2011
Carnival of the Cats #388
Let's get started with the carnival!
Over at My Cats and Funny Stories, Arthur and Rosie debate whether to fix a mousie or just get a new one. Good luck fixing it...we tried to use glue once and Tiger got stuck to the wall!
Luna enjoys a drink of water and takes a peek outside over at CatSynth. We love our water too, but Bagheera likes to make a big mess with our fountain.
At Meowsings of an Opininated Pussycat, Elvira and Nikita investigate an awesome grab bag of feline (and human) goodies from the Kitty Bungalow Charm School for Wayward Cats. Surely one day we'll see Elvira in the sweater...
Elvira takes a break from checking out the goodies to do battle with the Foot Monster. Be brave Elvira...he is a wily one we know all too well.
While Elvira battles the Foot Monster, Nikita opts for a written battle and takes up the issue of the new Petco logo. It's been a busy week for this dynamic duo!
Over at Friends Furever, Allie investigates the new "addition" to the household and gives approval. We generally don't like anything new Momma brings in, so Allie must be one laid-back kitty.
Buddy kicks back and cuddles with Aunt Tracy on Sunday over at Animal Shelter Volunteer Life. A cuddle sounds like a great idea any day of the week!
Samantha & Clementine from Life from A Cat's Perspective have some fun during their visit with the GDB. Well, it looks like they're not having fun, but we know better!
Over at Strange Ranger, Maddie goes in for more bloodwork and mayhem at the vet's office and we get a vintage photo of the lovely Ivy napping. We hope Maddie's bloodwork comes back OK.
Meowza goes for a roll in the dirt, then washes up for his Sally over at Mind of Mog. At least he doesn't dirty up the sofa like Ritzi does!
We get another Meowza roll and also an adorable curl over at his blog iMeowza. We hope you & Mog stay cool!
What a great bunch of entries this week! Thanks everyone!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Carnival of the Cats #380
Carnival of the Cats is a long-running weekly roundup of cat-related blogs that is hosted by a group of kitties and kitty staff/owners. You can find more information about it here.
Maggie: Look Momma, I killed a BIG rat! Aren't you so proud of me? I'm such a mighty hunter! I deserve a huge reward...tuna please!
Reepicheep: Silly Maggie. That mouse is fake! It didn't even taste right...though it was still tasty! *slurp*
Bagheera: That's right Reepicheep. All cats know that real mice are fuzzy, blue, and make chirping noises!
Clearly, these "mighty" hunters have never had to stalk more than a can of cat food. And Bagheera, from the looks of it, has stalked more than just a can.
Let's get the carnival started, shall we?
Over at CatSynth, Weekend Cat Blogging is combined with a Photo Hunt and Luna gets to show off some of her lovely cards from birthdays past.
Nikita from Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat writes a review of an essay called "In Defense of Cats" and shares his personal experience with his Daddy. Nikita is absolutely right. Cat owners and cat bloggers usually get a few raised eyebrows when other humans find out they love cats. Our Momma has had personal experience with this!
At Life From a Cat's Perspective, Samantha prepares for her weekend by chilling out in her favorite box and Clementine sniffs out her secret hiding place.
Salome from Three Tabby Cats in Vienna invites Meowza over for some snuggling and box investigating. Sounds like the purrfect date for a kitty!
Over at StrangeRanger, Maddie goes in for her senior pet visit, and the vet was lucky that Maddie did not do the blood drawing instead. Atta girl! Glad to hear you are doing well!
Tiger: Momma, these young whippersnappers know nothing about hunting. Now get off of this laptop and get me some food NOW!
I think I know who the "best" hunter in the house is, don't you?
As always, thanks for letting us host! Next week's carnival is at Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat.
The Carnival submission form has been having some trouble this week. If you did not see your post and you submitted one, please let us know in the comments and we will be glad to add it!
Friday, May 13, 2011
House Projects: Phase 1 of...Many
So it's been a busy time for me. Well, honestly, I think not being busy is more of a rare occasion at this point.
But one of the many benefits of my recent life change (HA) is that I was finally able to get some projects completed around the house. I've lived with so much nonsense (house and otherwise) for...4 years? 4 YEARS. While I can't get it all done right this minute, it's amazing what I've been able to accomplish in just a few months:
1) Front window was finally replaced. Glass was completely missing when I moved in, and temporary board became permanent due to financial reasons & numerous other reasons we will not discuss here.
But window is now replaced and the kitties can bask in the sunlight to their heart's content. Not that they didn't have a gazillion windows to choose from in the first place.
2) The front door was in BAD shape. It was a full pane-glass door, and a number of the panes were broken and kept together with a "redneck patch job" of duct tape. The screen door, which was so old it didn't have tempered glass, flew open a few months ago and shattered into a gazillion pieces. There was no deadbolt, and to make sure the door was secure, I used the reliable security method of "butter knife in the door jamb."
I know. Boarded up window, butter knife in the door jamb. I was the queen of CLASSY living.
So screen door? New tempered glass. Front door? Custom steel door complete with more secure locking system.
3) The house has a front porch that runs almost the length of the front of the house. The porch posts were in terrible condition. Peeling paint & rotting boards = fear of collapse. So decorative trim & support posts were yanked & new posts put in place.
A few hanging plants, a little clean up work, cushions on the chairs, and TA-DA!
So needless to say, I am thrilled with the progress. Of course, this just makes me want to chill on the porch more and go out less, but considering how much I am gone during the week, I'm totally OK with that.
Definitely looking forward to some of the other projects I've got planned this year.
But one of the many benefits of my recent life change (HA) is that I was finally able to get some projects completed around the house. I've lived with so much nonsense (house and otherwise) for...4 years? 4 YEARS. While I can't get it all done right this minute, it's amazing what I've been able to accomplish in just a few months:
1) Front window was finally replaced. Glass was completely missing when I moved in, and temporary board became permanent due to financial reasons & numerous other reasons we will not discuss here.
But window is now replaced and the kitties can bask in the sunlight to their heart's content. Not that they didn't have a gazillion windows to choose from in the first place.
2) The front door was in BAD shape. It was a full pane-glass door, and a number of the panes were broken and kept together with a "redneck patch job" of duct tape. The screen door, which was so old it didn't have tempered glass, flew open a few months ago and shattered into a gazillion pieces. There was no deadbolt, and to make sure the door was secure, I used the reliable security method of "butter knife in the door jamb."
I know. Boarded up window, butter knife in the door jamb. I was the queen of CLASSY living.
So screen door? New tempered glass. Front door? Custom steel door complete with more secure locking system.
3) The house has a front porch that runs almost the length of the front of the house. The porch posts were in terrible condition. Peeling paint & rotting boards = fear of collapse. So decorative trim & support posts were yanked & new posts put in place.
A few hanging plants, a little clean up work, cushions on the chairs, and TA-DA!
So needless to say, I am thrilled with the progress. Of course, this just makes me want to chill on the porch more and go out less, but considering how much I am gone during the week, I'm totally OK with that.
Definitely looking forward to some of the other projects I've got planned this year.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monday, Monday
It's really surprising how big Reepicheep has gotten. He's probably around 9 months old now. He's still "the kitten" though. And a big spoiled one at that!
Wow. What a day it has been. Of course, I got nothing done I had planned to do. Other than updating here. But what a Monday!
Normally, Mondays are not the happiest days of the week for me. It's usually bye, bye, fun weekend...it's time to shuffle off to work now! But today has been...interesting. I wish I could share more, but I guess I need to see where these events are going. I'm just grateful today has been a fun day and am actually looking forward to tomorrow! (Tuesdays are usually worse than Mondays)
Of course, all this excitement does not help me accomplish all that is on my to-do list for today. But
I've had a lot going on so far this year. The divorce was final on March 25th. I'm still chugging away at graduate school. I've lost 23 pounds since the beginning of the year (45 overall!). Tiger has been diagnosed with some arthritis and borderline kidney disease (more on that another day). Work is still...work. I've made a ton of new friends. It's been stressful and emotional and exhausting...but there's hope. And not to go all Lifetime Movie Network on you or anything, but that hope has kept me going. I am healing, I'm learning a ton about myself, and I'm really getting excited about my future.
On May 20th I will be 30 years old. And surprisingly, I feel like life really is going to begin at 30 for me. I squandered away my 20s on bad choices, depression, and on people who didn't deserve all that I sacrificed. I don't want to do that again. And I have the opportunity of a fresh start. It's both terrifying and exciting at the same time.
For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say I felt GREAT today.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Carnival of the Cats #369
Reepicheep: Sorry the carnival is so late. We got distracted by this new fun toy!
Felix: I'm not all that excited about the toy. I'm more focused on my exercising...my speciality is power napping!
While Felix works on his, um, snoozing skils, let's get started with the carnival!
Wednesday's owner decides to formally submit a complaint letter to lovely Wednesday about recent behaviors. It is very entertaining, and we have taken notes on what we can try next with our Momma!
Uh oh...Arthur decides to add his own special fertilizer to enhance his owners' flowerbed and tells Rosie all about the "fancy new litterbox." We don't know how happy their humans will be, but it sure looks nice to us!
Nikita Cat posts about his daddy's scenic bike ride and the lovely cats his daddy encountered during his ride. Forget the lovely flowers and landscaping...spotting gorgeous felines is always the perfect way to enjoy the scenery.
Elvira and Nikita Cat may soon be a Youtube sensation. Elvira posts about her daddy's hard work on a slideshow presentation featuring the fabulous feline duo. Good luck!
We would like to say happy 4th Blogoversary to Samatha, Clementine, Maverick, and in memory of Mr. Tigger. Here's hoping you continue to post for many more years!
Maddie and her humans enjoy the beautiful spring blooms over at StrangeRanger. We are happy to hear that both humans and feline in good health!
At Mind of Mog, handsome Meowza enjoys the sun (and we're sure all the Temptations, love, and mousies too!).
Tiger: If we're talking about power napping, I could be a professional!
Sidonia: I think we should all go into training for that! Good night!
Thanks for letting us host, and sorry for the delay! The next carnival will be at Pet's Garden Blog.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Carnival of the Cats #362
Reepicheep: I love Sundays. Sundays are always good for napping.
Reepicheep: In fact, I think right now is a perfect time for a snooze.
Reepicheep: But sometimes, you just can't get comfortable and you've got to try a new position.
Reepicheep: This one seems pretty comfy. Why don't you enjoy the carnvial while I catch a few zzz's?
Who needs a guard dog when you have a perfectly good kitty guard? Hakuna guards the family room over at Lost in the Cheese Aisle.
Poor Rosie can't find anything (or any cat) because of the painting going on at My Cats and Funny Stories.
Cokie the Cat is asking for a #Pawcircle and #PawPrayers for his friend LaddieCat, who is not feeling so well. Be sure to check out Cokie's blog for updates!
Luna's lovely black fur and posing provides a perfect opportunity to capture her silhouette over at CatSynth for Weekend Cat Blogging and a Photo Hunt.
Big news over at Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat...Elvira's celebrating her 1st birthday, and the Meowers of Death are so happy to see her grow into a lovely young lady surrounded by her loving family. Congrats Elvira!
Elvira's starts off her 2nd year with a bang with "The Elvira Factor" and her feelings on the word "puss" and it's political correctness.
Also, Elvira takes on even more with some commentary on the OC Weekly Website and their coverage of the sexiest females in Orange County...and she gets some honors for it. Great job on your coverage!
Maddie shows off her lovely eyes (and patience for the camera) over at StrangeRanger. We kitties are always long-suffering due to our humans' need to take pictures.
After chastisting Mog, Meowza graces us with his precense for Caturday by having some fun outside in the sun. It's good to see you again, Meowza!
Speaking of Meowza, he posts his annual purrfurmance review at iMeowza, and it's not looking so good for Mog. Maybe next year's will be better!
Thanks for letting us host! The next carnival will be hosted at Mind of Mog.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
3 Things
So I mention I'll be posting more in 2011, and it's already February, and I know the two people reading this blog are probably throwing up their hands and going "huh?".
The thought of posting has crossed my mind every single day. What I have to say was holding me back. I'm trying not to let it anymore.
So, to not air my full drama to the Internet, I will try to condense this as much as I can:
1) For those of you that love the kitties, I have to sadly report that Izumi passed on Christmas Day 2010. She was suddenly sick and not improving. Further testing showed she had Leukemia (not Feline though) and the prognosis was very poor even with chemo. I didn't want her to suffer anymore and made the choice to help her be at peace. She was a sweet cat, and I miss her. Unfortunately, other life changes really prevented me from being able to mourn her loss or give you an update.
2) I have been in counseling for the past 2 years. Most of you already knew that. What you didn't know is that while I started going for other reasons, it ultimately became focused on childhood abuse. That has impacted every choice I've made in life. Because of it, I've always felt emotionally fragile and not good enough for anyone. I spent 2 years having to face it, and now I am a stronger person for it. My family knows about it now, so I'm OK with sharing it here. Anyone who has been through this, know that it does impact your life even if you live in denial that it does. Please find some counseling or other type of support...it's scary and it's hard, but you are worth more than you think you are and you can do it.
3) I am currently going through (another) divorce. All I'm going to say is this is not what I wanted, but was his choice. Through therapy, I grew up from that scared little girl and now am able to stand on my own two feet. I'm not a "fragile flower" anymore. Sadly, he has not grown up and has decided he wants something different in life. After going through a month of this, I've realized I deserve better than this and I agree it is time for him to go. It's sad, it hurts, and it's hard, but I know now it's necessary for me. I have hope and I know I will heal. And that's all I really have to say about it.
There is a lot more to both points, but for the sake of people involved and who may be reading this blog, I will refrain from providing any "dirty details." One thing I've learned is that it's OK to talk about stuff, but you've got to have some tact when you do it.
But I've posted both of these because I feel like I need to, that's it's just another step in the process of healing. I also know that there are people struggling with issue #2 and terrified to say anything because of the guilt & shame involved in having that happen to you (actually, that could apply to #3 as well). I want you to know you are not alone, and that you CAN start to heal from it.
I would like to talk more about both points, but I'm not quite sure how I plan to do that yet. Password-protected entries, perhaps, or another blog entirely. Rest assured, however, that the kittehs and this site won't go anywhere.
And hopefully, after letting this out, I can really start the ball rolling with posts, cat-related and otherwise.
Rest in peace, sweet Izumi
The thought of posting has crossed my mind every single day. What I have to say was holding me back. I'm trying not to let it anymore.
So, to not air my full drama to the Internet, I will try to condense this as much as I can:
1) For those of you that love the kitties, I have to sadly report that Izumi passed on Christmas Day 2010. She was suddenly sick and not improving. Further testing showed she had Leukemia (not Feline though) and the prognosis was very poor even with chemo. I didn't want her to suffer anymore and made the choice to help her be at peace. She was a sweet cat, and I miss her. Unfortunately, other life changes really prevented me from being able to mourn her loss or give you an update.
2) I have been in counseling for the past 2 years. Most of you already knew that. What you didn't know is that while I started going for other reasons, it ultimately became focused on childhood abuse. That has impacted every choice I've made in life. Because of it, I've always felt emotionally fragile and not good enough for anyone. I spent 2 years having to face it, and now I am a stronger person for it. My family knows about it now, so I'm OK with sharing it here. Anyone who has been through this, know that it does impact your life even if you live in denial that it does. Please find some counseling or other type of support...it's scary and it's hard, but you are worth more than you think you are and you can do it.
3) I am currently going through (another) divorce. All I'm going to say is this is not what I wanted, but was his choice. Through therapy, I grew up from that scared little girl and now am able to stand on my own two feet. I'm not a "fragile flower" anymore. Sadly, he has not grown up and has decided he wants something different in life. After going through a month of this, I've realized I deserve better than this and I agree it is time for him to go. It's sad, it hurts, and it's hard, but I know now it's necessary for me. I have hope and I know I will heal. And that's all I really have to say about it.
There is a lot more to both points, but for the sake of people involved and who may be reading this blog, I will refrain from providing any "dirty details." One thing I've learned is that it's OK to talk about stuff, but you've got to have some tact when you do it.
But I've posted both of these because I feel like I need to, that's it's just another step in the process of healing. I also know that there are people struggling with issue #2 and terrified to say anything because of the guilt & shame involved in having that happen to you (actually, that could apply to #3 as well). I want you to know you are not alone, and that you CAN start to heal from it.
I would like to talk more about both points, but I'm not quite sure how I plan to do that yet. Password-protected entries, perhaps, or another blog entirely. Rest assured, however, that the kittehs and this site won't go anywhere.
And hopefully, after letting this out, I can really start the ball rolling with posts, cat-related and otherwise.
Rest in peace, sweet Izumi
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