Today, I had a rare moment of productiveness & overall content with myself & my life. I'm losing weight. I have energy & feel well. The family & the cats are as healthy as they can be. I was being productive at work. School is going to start soon.
It's amazing how 10 minutes can change that & send you spiraling back into a world of stress.
If this Senate unemployment extension bill doesn't pass, Adam will be completely cut off from unemployment checks at the end of July. He has had no luck finding work, and we only barely survive with those checks. If the extension doesn't go through, there are going to be some dark times in August. Like, calling companies & begging them to let us pay them the August bills with the September ones. Or me staying in Nashville all week long, every week, to save on gas money. And even that won't be enough.
I know our country has a large deficit. I know most everyone is struggling. But unless you are in this sinking ship of despair that has the floors of layoffs, swamped unemployment offices, and 500 applicants for every minimum wage job, it's hard to realize just how hard some people have it through no fault of their own, or how much it is a struggle for those people to try to make their lives better.
I've heard people say that we shouldn't pass the extension, but I have a feeling none of those people are receiving unemployment.
We do have a bit of hope. If we can get through August, we should be OK. But at this point, I just don't know if we'll get there.
I feel frustrated, uncertain, loss of control, scared, and weary, and I know Adam feels the same. These are the hard moments, not only for us in general, but for my attempts at changing the way I live. These are the times that make me want to reach for sugary cereals and "cupcake therapy". These are the times I feel exhausted and tired and think "I'm just going to eat a few extra calories today" or "I'm just going to skip exercising today". These are the times I self-medicate with food & self-pity & sleep. These are the times where I fall off my plan.
But I can't this time. I've gone through too much to do that again. We've gone through too much for that to happen.
It's a scary situation, and all we can do is have him continue to fill out applications, give the worry to God, & wait.
We are trying so hard to change our lives for the better, and there just seem to be so many obstacles in our way. I know we've been blessed with having what we need for survival, and that others are worse off. But we've been playing this game of financial survival for years, and for once, I really just want to skip this turn and not have to draw a Chance card.
(As a side note, I find it humorous that the two subjects I rarely discuss are religion & politics, and here they are in the same entry. Heh. I'm closing comments for this one, because neither is open for discussion for me. I have my views, you have yours. They may be different, and that's OK, but let's just leave it at that, shall we?)
