House Guest! Wee!

I was so wrapped up in what I had to do today. I was packing up stuff from my cube, which was bittersweet and a little tougher emotionally than I had bargained for. More on that Tuesday.

As for the other....yes the date with K went splendidly and all his friends were very nice. We had a good time laughing and joking about all kinds of random things. Once his friends left, K asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I said sure. We paused the DVD to finish our conversation. 4 hours later we are still talking, have entirely given up on the movie now, and are now starting to comprehend the possibility that I may not make it home in a conscious state. So I ended up crashing for a few hours and left the next morning.

So in my infinite wisdom, instead of using this week of no school and little work to finally detox after a year and a half of school/work/life hell, what do I decide to do? Invite him over to my house. On Friday.

I didn't think he'd actually accept so quick of an invitation. And now I'm like crrrraaap time to get this frat boy college kid house into good shape. Well, at least as good as it can be.
My legs hurt. My feet and neck are quite angry. But I only have the bedroom and living room left, along with a few things outside. Yes, he knows about the cats, and I've given him a heads up on some of the crazier traits of the house, but still, it's nerve-wracking. Whole new level of trust here on my end.

But in preparing for all this, I completely missed the late night 12/22 slot. It's kind of a weird anniversary. It's precisely the moment my ex A told me he had feelings for another girl and that he just want to leave us all, Spidey included, and just start over. That night just rocked my world, and it took weeks for me to even start moving past basic survival.

What difference a year makes. I am a lot stronger mentally. I have goals and will pursue them no matter what. I will not just date any man, but one who is sure of himself and will not make me suffer from self-doubt. Trust is difficult for me still, to let someone into my life and know he is going to be loving and accepting of me no matter what.

I'm grateful for what happened, because I love being who I am now. But I'm also terrified of the unknown future.